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Blast Movie Guide

 

The following is a run down of all the films screened by Blast media critic Jason Lloren since the beginning of 1997. Most are now available on VHS and laserdisc so unless you're living back in the 18th century and don't own a VCR, you have no excuse for not seeing some of them. Movies are given school grades A through F and include an ad copy-friendly mini-review because, let's face it, no matter what Jason Lloren says about a film, advertisers and p.r. hacks are gonna twist his words anyway.

 

187

D

Visually compelling but they should've 86'd the stupid ending.

A Life Less Ordinary

F

A film "Less" than "Ordinary" -- a mediocre disappointment.

Absolute Power

B-

Did I like this film? "Absoute"-ly!

 

Addicted to Love

B

Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick will get you hooked on "Love."

Air Bud

C+

"Air" is a refreshing tale of a boy and his dog. See it with a "Bud."

Air Force One

A

Harrison Ford's a "Force" to be reckoned with! If you see only one film this year, make it this "One"!

Alien Resurrection

B

Ripley's back -- believe it or not!

Amistad

B

Amen for "Amistad"!

An American Werewolf in Paris

C-

Howling fun sequel.

As Good As It Gets

B-

Almost "As Good As It Gets."

 

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

B

"Powers" to the people! It's no "Mystery" -- Mike Myers is a comic genius!

Batman and Robin

F

Holy Bat-crap!

Bean

C+

This has "Bean" a bust-a-gut, laugh-a-minute ride!

Boogie Nights

A

"Boogie's" nice -- a highly-charged dramedy.

Booty Call

B-

You'll laugh your "Booty" off!

Breakdown

B

Like a well-tuned car, the suspense never breaks down or lets up.

Chasing Amy

C-

Want the straight? No "Chase" her.

Children of the Revolution

B

Great Stalin's ghost -- you'll be laughing 'til you're red.

 

Citizen Ruth

B-

You can't handle the "Ruth" -- it's that funny!

 

City of Industry

D

Harvey Keitel's "Industry"-al strength performance rules this otherwise weak "City."

Con Air

D

A lot of hot "Air."

Conspiracy Theory

C

My "Theory": You'll be riveted by this "Conspiracy."

Contact

C-

Somebody "Contact" Zemeckis! This movie sucks.

Cop Land

B

I "Cop" a plea: This is a fine police drama.

Crash

F

Cronenberg "Crash"-es and burns!

Daytrippers, The

B

Good "Day" sunshine! This film's a "Trip"!

Deconstructing Harry

B

Allen's fans will get a Woody over his latest comedy.

Devil's Advocate

C+

A "Devil"-ish good tale! It's "The Omen" meets "The Firm"!

Devil's Own, The

C-

Ford and Pitt make one "Devil" of a fine film pair.

Donnie Brasco

B+

I hate to brag-sco but "Donnie" is good.

 

Empire Strikes Back: The Special Edition, The

A+

The "Empire"-rical proof is irrefutable: The best of the trilogy!

 

Event Horizon

D-

NOT the movie "Event" of the year.

Everyone Says I Love You

B

"Everyone" loves this film and so will you!

Eve's Bayou

B-

It would be right "Bayou" to see this film.

Excess Baggage

C

This film ran "Excess" minutes.

Face/Off

A+

Woo-hoo! Race/Off to the theater and see it!

Fast, Cheap and Out of Control

B+

Life is "Cheap" -- run "Fast" to the theater to see this docu-poem.

Fierce Creatures

B+

"Creatures" is fur-rocious fun!

 

Fifth Element, The

B+

Bruce Willis is in his "Element" in this slam-bang space jam!

Full Monty, The

B+

Show me the "Monty"!

G.I. Jane

B

"G.I." loved this film!

Game, The

B

This "Game" is not lame.

Gattaca

B

Gotta go see "Gattaca."

George of the Jungle

B-

By "George," this film is a "Jungle" of fun!

Godfather: 25th Anniversary Edition, The

A+

It's a movie experience you can't refuse!

Good Will Hunting

A

Peace on Earth, "Good Will" toward moviegoers!

Gridlock'd

C-

A shock'ngly fine performance by Tupac.

Grosse Point Blank

B

"Grosse" is a hit, man!

Hamlet

A

Wham, bam, thank you "Hamlet"!

Hard Eight

C

I "Eight" up this fine film like a fine meal.

Hercules

B+

Great Zeus! "Hercules" is mighty fun!

I Know What You Did Last Summer

D

"I Know What" film sucked this autumn.

Ice Storm, The

B

Nice "Ice," baby.

In & Out

B-

You'll laugh "Out" loud so much you'll pee "In" your pants!

Jackal, The

D-

Jackass.

Jackie Brown

A-

You don't know "Jack" -- Tarantino proves himself again.

Jackie Chan's First Strike

C-

Jackie Chan "Strikes" out!

John Grisham's The Rainmaker

B-

Long may Coppola "Rain"!

Kiss the Girls

B-

You go "Girl"!

Kissed

C+

Just because it's about necrophilia, don't "Kiss" off this film.

L.A. Confidential

A-

I love "L.A."!

Liar, Liar

C-

No lie -- Jim Carrey's a scream!

Lost Highway

C-

You'll get "Lost" in the dreamy cinematography.

Lost World: Jurassic Park, The

A-

Dino-mite!

Love! Valour! Compassion!

B

Humor! Warmth! Excellence!

Marvin's Room

B+

This "Room" is warm and cozy.

 

Masterminds

F

"Masterminds" is a terrible thing to waste your time with.

Matchmaker, The

C+

This "Match" lights up the screen.

Men in Black

A-

Go "Black" and see it again and again!

Metro

C

Murphy's Law: You can't go wrong with "Metro."

Microcosmos

D

These bugs suck.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

C+

"Midnight's" special!

Mimic

C+

"Mim-Ickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!" A tense, frightening, slimy film.

Murder at 1600

D

You'll "Murder" yourself trying to make black or White House of the plot.

My Best Friend's Wedding

C

Do I consider this Julia Roberts flick funny and romantic? I do.

Office Killer

C

"Office Killer" is O.K.

Operation Condor

C

I speak with complete candor: "Condor" is can-do action fun!

Out to Sea

C+

The word is "Out": This comedy is a cruisin' good time -- go "Sea" it!

Pillow Book, The

D

Get me a "Pillow" -- this one's a pretentious yawner.

Playing God

B

Good "God"! David Duchovny is terrific!

Private Parts

D+

Don't expose yourself to Howard Stern's "Private Parts."

Return of the Jedi: The Special Edition

A-

"Return" to the theater and see it again for the first time!

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

B-

Attend this "Reunion"!

Saint, The

A

When "The Saint" comes marching into your nearest theater, see it!

Scream 2

C+

You'll "Scream 2" at this wickedly fun sequel!

Selena

B-

See "-lena"!

Shall We Dance?

C+

A little song, a little "Dance," this charming comedy will get you shakin' in your pants.

She's So Lovely

C-

"She's" so-so.

Shine

C+

"Shine"-ing performances brighten an otherwise typical genius-retard film.

Sling Blade

C

Trim "Blade" from your must-see list.

Spawn

F

Yawn.

Speed 2: Cruise Control

F

"Speed" off! This boat ride sucks!

Spike & Mike's '97 Sick & Twisted Xmas Spectacular

A-

Triple XXX-Mas cartoon fun!

Star Wars: The Special Edition

A+

This "Star" shines bright! A sci-fi classic comes back in full Force.

Starship Troopers

B-

Come aboard this "Ship" of fools.

subUrbia

D+

"subUrbia" is a slacker of a film.

Swingers

A

It's hip! It's funny! It's money!

That Old Feeling

C-

I have a "Feeling" this Divine Ms. M comedy coulda been Bette-ah'.

Titanic

C+

This movie runs too long then sinks.

Tomorrow Never Dies

C-

This Bond film has no bounce. See it "Tomorrow" -- or "Never."

Trial and Error

B

"Trial" is guilty of comedy in the first degree!

U Turn

C-

To hell with "U"!

Volcano

F

I've seen erupting zits that are more exciting to what than this.

Waiting for Guffman

B

Don't "Wait" -- go see "Guff," man!

Welcome to Sarajevo

A-

Bravo "Sarajevo"!

When We Were Kings

A

A documentary fit for a "King."

Winner, The

D

"Winner" loses.

Wishmaster

F

You'll "Wish" you had seen another film instead.